Transforming my body and mind
I grew up despising my body. There were very few parts of me that seemed adequate; my feet, my hair- ummm- that’s probably it; however, my dislikes overshadowed those two little areas in which, they were not significant enough to balance out my overall body image. When I’d play Barbie’s with my best friend Mary, I wondered if my body would eventually magically morph into something like hers, convincing myself it would just take time, I was still young. By eight years old I already needed to transform my body and mind. That is sad!!
I remember in middle school, I sat next to a girl that always smelled good and wore cute clothes. She also had a pretty tan and as I noticed her unusual tan (we lived in Alaska and it was in the middle of the school year), my eyes landed on her wrists. Even her wrists were pretty. I see her wrist bone yet when I looked at mine, I saw pale, soft, and slightly chubby wrists. Nope, no wrist bone visual here. Another time when I was grown, like 30 years old, I had a guy tell me I should do more squats to lift my butt. Thank God he gave me that advice because my backside was apparently headed in the wrong direction.
Sarcastic eye roll right here!
These revelations lasted my entire life. Comparing, wishing, dieting, spending thousands of dollars on shaping my body to be as perfect as I could get it and the truth is, I NEVER got it. As I went through pictures to create a slide show for Madison’s graduation and I was looking back on the many faces of “Mindy” I saw younger, older, fat, sad, and then some I saw tremendous beauty. There were times in my life when I was fit, healthy, and supposedly pretty and I still didn’t see it then!
The problem now is I don’t want to be where I was 20 years ago and I can’t be where I was 10 years ago but I am HERE today.
This Saturday was so divinely right on time.
I attended a conference hosted by Circles of Change but it was more like a training and awakening all in one. It was information driven yet artistically framed. Poets, doctors, psychiatrists, beautiful women telling about their victory in overcoming food disorders and body image distortion in which I have both. I don’t have a clinical food disorder but the relationship I have with food is unhealthy and consumes so much of me; mentally, spiritually, and physically. But no more. Not any more will I live this way.
I left Circles of Change inspired to start the process of transforming my body and mind. Not just one but both-
a) As I walked past the mirror I allowed myself to look at my naked body and…..didn’t cringe b) I trusted an amazing woman to help me learn how to eat and have initiated a plan that will honor, not deprive, my body and c) I haven’t shamed myself or even mentioned one ounce of criticism regarding the way I look. If you know me, you know that this is huge!
Some takeaways: 1. Don’t judge the skinny girl and assume she’s vain 2. Don’t judge the fat girl and assume she’s lazy 3. Live to be and feel healthy: mentally, physically, and spiritually and 4.
Don’t buy into somebody else’s body shape when you’ve already been given your own… AND IT’S PERFECT.
Some Sad Stats:
People who can inspire you to leave despise and enter beauty:
a. Circles of Change THIS I WANT TO BE A PART OF
b. Ophelias Place THIS PLACE IS AWESOME AND I WANT TO VISIT
c. Jill Catherine THIS GAL IS DEEP, PASSIONATE, AND ARTISTIC
d. Jes Baker (The Militant Baker) THIS GIRL IS HILARIOUS AND INSPIRING